I'm a modern girl,

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 19:06:55 GMT

So being forced to share a car with my brother and living 20 minutes away from all my friends has resulted in boredom, so I decided to look at my old xanga from freshman year, and holy shit, why did I have friends? All I did was whine about my crappy boyfriend and post depressing lyrics. And apparently I thought it was awesome to talk about my 15-year-old sex life? I was a classy broad. And so I can look back at this and laugh and not have to read through my entire xanga, here's the most hilarious.

-- "i've never been so scared or uncertain of something in my life. for the next few days, i wont be myself. and if it comes out to be the worst, i'll never be the same person again." - I have no idea what I was so upset about, but I guarantee it was something like Joe (my boyfriend at the time) said Natalie Portman was hot.

-- "sometimes it gets way too real for me. lets not explain though. i dont like complaining to other people all the time.

so i'm completely happy, but at the same time i'm not. it's a nagging feeling not knowing whats coming next.

at the moment i ache all over. anyone else would say that its because i could have possibly been sick earlier this night, but i'm pretty sure i know the real reason." - I don't know wtf was wrong with me, but this entry made no sense and I thought it was so ~deep~. Also, I don't know why I was aching, or why I felt the need to tell xanga about it.

-- "things would have been pretty great tonight if it wasnt for stupid bitches pissing me off. i wish ellie or emma was there so they could have kicked her in the face for me. because seriously, if i had a choice to murder one person in the entire world and not get put away for it, it would be her.

whatever. i got to see clayton and jeff dance because they're hxc. and i got to see nolan for the first time in a long time and he went through my purse. and i got to see joe. so i'm gonna try and be happy." - I actually remember this entry, and this girl seriously did nothing, I just didn't like other girls going to screamo shows and stealing my limelight. Also, I never even liked screamo or anything like that, but I pretended to because I had a thing for boys in girl pants or something. And I said things like "hxc" in everyday conversations.

-- "sunday... stuff happened. so... sam is no longer a virgin. i dont know whether to be happy or sad." I guess talking in 3rd person was hxc. Why I felt the need to proclaim that I lost my virginity to a person I dated for like 2 months when I was 15 on an online journal I have no idea.

-- "well not much has happened in the past week except my life dream will be achieved by having my best friend play at the creepy crawl and i traumatized dylan because he... walked in on joe and i and possibly saw parts of me he never should have seen. same old same old." - Dylan is my family friend who is my younger sister's age and for some reason I let Joe convince me to do stuff in my basement when there was a whole bunch of people upstairs. Classyyyy.

-- "i used to be really annoyed when people called me emo, but this year it has happened so much i kind of respond to it now, as sad as that is. the sad thing is, those of you who know me know i listen to mainly indie and screamo and rarely emo. but whatever." - I broke the first rule of emo by not denying I'm emo. Btw, what ever happened to emo? That word has pretty much completely disappeared. Not complaining though.

-- "so basically joe keeps getting more amazing. he was talking about sports illustrated swimsuit models and i'm all 'it was one of your major upsides that you werent into girls like that. but thats ok' because i kind of was disappointed. but here comes the amazing part, he apologized for disappointing me and said i deserved respect and wow. he's probably the first guy that avoids hurting me as opposed to trying to." - I for real got mad at a guy for thinking sports illustrated models?

There was also an entry ranting about Bright Eyes or something but I will spare everyone that pain.

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 05:43:59 GMT

I was going to try and do the day by day thing I did last entry, but that just isn't happening. Bullet points are easier for everyone.

-First of all, I graduated and it feels amazing. And I had my graduation party where I got this new Mac I'm currently using, an iTouch, a DS (cooking mama mother fucka), a new phone, and lots of cash money.

-The night before my graduation I saw The Leftovers with the Belleville people and oh my god, it was amazing. Even though The Leftovers are douches because they got drunk the entire time instead of watching the other bands, I don't care. There was a parade going on at the same time, which was ridiculous. And Darrell and I had a Capri Sun drinking contest, but I stopped after 5, but then Patrick joined my team kind of and Johnny B drank one of Darrell's, so it continued. But then I thought I was going to barf, so I lost by one capri sun. Damn. Anyway, I used to hate pop punk a lot, but after that night it's all I listen to. Go figure.

-Monday I went to the zoo with Holly and Darrell, which was hot as hell. We ended up running into Belleville people there for a hot second, so we weren't the only stupid ones. Anyway, we got to touch the sting rays, which was weird. And then it ended up getting too hot to handle, so we left and ate at The Boat House and then went to Holly's to watch Changeling, which was fucked up.

-Tuesday I went swimming in Jefferson County (white trash land for all you non-St. Louisians) where most of my extended family resides. Darrell and I went swimming for about 5 hours with my cousins, and then we went back the next day to swim even though it was 60 degrees. Bad idea. I spent the night that night and babysat them today, and one of their neighbor boys hit on me. He was 11. Therefore I'm a maneater.

-Then today I went back to my house and I'm in the kitchen with Stephen, Nicole and Melissa eating ice cream when I look over and Melissa is all "I can't see anything. I haven't eaten all day" and then she falls backwards with her eyes wide open ANTM style, only she is laughing but not blinking. And she's also laughing without smiling, so it was freaky as shit. Then she just stands back up and goes "I need to sit down" and I watch her try to go to my living room and fall and hit her head again. Turns out she's on ADD meds and has to eat a lot or she faints. So that was the scariest moment of my life because I thought a girl just fuckin' died on my floor.

I feel like I never take pictures anymore because I'm always so busy, and I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing. Anyway, next time I'll have pictures and interesting things to say, I promise.

Tue, 26 May 2009 23:14:56 GMT

Since it's summa time I'm getting all my days messed up, and I don't want to forget anything, so I'm going to start documenting all the awesome things I've done so far.

May 16th - Saturday
It was prom, which was only awesome because Darrell is such a good dance partner. We stayed in a hotel where we fell asleep watching a Discovery Channel special about caterpillars and then Lock Up, while my best friend Holly had sex with a guy she never has even been on a date with in the room attached to ours, where it was only separated by a glass door. She may not be the classiest lady, but I love her.

May 17th - Sunday
Busiest day of my life. In the morning Darrell, Holly, her fling (?) and I went to Union Station to feed the fish and eat Einstein's for like 2 hours. Then I had to drive to Kirkwood, pick up Corinne, and then drive to Illinois so she could get her senior pictures taken by Darrell. Then I had to drive back to Kirkwood and do Toga Night with my younger brother and his friend. For those of you not from Kirkwood, Toga Night is when the upcoming seniors haze the upcoming juniors by TPing their house, and then the next day they come to school wearing Togas. Why? I don't know. But it's fun. So this lasted until like 3 a.m. and we were frequently followed by cops and once even chased by a woman with a dog that looked like Lassie.

May 18th - Monday
Holly and I woke up and went to Spencers for breakfast, and then went shopping for stuff for her party on Friday.

May 20th - Wednesday
I saw Darrell's band play at this place in the park in Belleville. I'm becoming very smitten with the Belleville people, and they are more than likely going to be a huge part of my summer. They're all older than me, which is awesome because they aren't dramatic high schoolers. And for the most part, they don't drink. Which I also like, because I'm staying away from that for the most part now because it's kind of ruining my brother's life. But that's negative, and this is a positive entry. Anyway, the most amazing part is that I'm having more sober fun with them than I've ever had with any drunk people, and some of them go to Mizzou, which is also awesome. But every time I leave a concert with that crowd, my cheeks hurt from laughing so much, so this is the beginning of a wonderful thing.

May 22nd - Friday
It was Holly's birthday party, and I ate so much I thought I was going to explode. She talked really loudly at the bonfire about her and that guy on prom night, which was super obnoxious, but that's just me. And Emily, Jordan and I bonded by me laying over them on the couch and talking about life for like 2 hours. A black guy also hit on me a lot, and it was uncomfortable because he knew I had a boyfriend and I kept telling him so.

May 23rd - Saturday
Today was also a busy day, and I had to do this on 4 hours of sleep, when I normally require about 12. First it was my weirdo cousin's graduation party. My aunt, uncle, boy cousin and girl cousin all play D&D together and shit like that. So I was not looking forward to this gathering. It actually wasn't that bad, even though they had no AC and it was 90 degrees outside. After that I had to be the adult for my younger sister's birthday party with Holly, which was at a hotel. Her little friend decided to invite an 18 year old over (shes 14) from Jefferson County (white trash) because she texted him saying she would make out with him or something. I was asleep, so I didn't know until afterwards. But Sarah wouldn't let the guy up into the room, so her friend met him down at the pool and to my knowledge nothing happened except Sarah being way pissed.

May 24th - Sunday
It was Evan's (Darrell's friend/one of the Belleville people mentioned above/in a band (only person in band) called Hood Kicks) house warming party because he just bought what used to be a guest house in St. Louis. It's like a studio apartment with a basement where he has shows and stores his bikes. It was filled with Capri Suns and really disgusting homemade Rice Krispies and it was basically a dance party. It was probably the most fun I've had ever and I can't wait to see The Leftovers on Friday with all those people and have another dance party.

May 25th - Monday
Waited all day for the new Jon and Kate then got depressed when I watched it. I actually can't even talk about it cause I get depressed :(.

May 26th - Tuesday
I made a dress to wear on Friday and it basically took all day. I was going to put air in the tires of my bike, but I couldn't find a pump, so that sucks. By next week my bike will be spray painted gold and I'll actually be able to ride it, and I couldn't be more excited.

And Friday is The Leftovers in Belleville! This is the summer of the century.

Sun, 24 May 2009 17:55:52 GMT

Summer 2009 To Do List
-Go to the abandoned creepy house next to my neighborhood and take pictures
-"Road trip" to Alton or Breese Illinois for the hell of it
-Go to the boathouse in Forest Park and paddle boat
-Go to the zoo several times and take pictures pretending to be the animal
-Go to as many of Darrell's concerts as possible
-Stay sober most of the time and have more fun than the drunk people
-Get tanner than my California roommate
-Shop for my dorm
-Stay the night at Lemp mansion (that shit's haunted)
-Eat at Eat Rite
-Actually go into the Butterfly House
-Do the 7 gates of hell at midnight

I'll keep adding to this as I think of it, and bold it when I do it.

Sun, 10 May 2009 18:21:49 GMT

Tell All Your Friends (the entire album) by Taking Back Sunday is the best/worst album to listen to when you're having major boy problems. I'm just having the shittiest 24 hours at the moment and everything that usually makes me feel better wasn't helping (Food Network, kitties, alcohol, my brother) so I tried thinking of what I would do to make myself feel better when I was in 7th and 8th grade. That was the best era for breakup/girl problem music if you ask me. But anyway, I started listening to Taking Back Sunday and cried sober for the first time in I don't even know how long.
My ideal day at the moment would be sitting in my bed listening to this album over and over again (which sadly, I have been doing since around 8 am) but I'm sure my mom wouldn't appreciate that on her day. I just want to be 12 again and in the TBS crowd at my first Warped Tour and sing their lyrics without relating so god damn much.
Anyway, its my last 4 days of high school next week, and I was excited, but now I'm more stressed than anyone in my position should be. And I found out my roommate at Mizzou is from California and a republican who voted yes on Prop 8. And I have a gay brother.
This is probably the whiniest entry I've written since I started this journal, but next week I'll hopefully be back to the normal happy Sam.

I can’t say I blame you,
but I wish that I could.

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 17:58:30 GMT

1. A picture of you in your room.
I really wish I had one, but no dice.

2. A picture of you posing with someone you don't actually like

This was freshman year (sweet hair right?) and 2 of those girls I now hate more than anyone in the entire world.

3. A picture with a former crush.

Hahahah, no. But my mom wanted me to date him. He's gay.

4. A picture of you very drunk.
Most pictures of me on facebook I'm drunk... But this one is my favorite because I actually have pants on and it's jungle juice.

5. A picture of you with a parent or two.
I wish I had some on my photobucket.

6. A picture of you on your birthday, or your favourite holiday.

18!

7. The youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.

15?

8. A picture of you in one of your favourite outfits.

I just love that cardigan.

9. A picture of you showing off a new haircut. (even if it's an old haircut now)
I really can't find one.

10. A picture you miiiiiight have edited to make yourself more attractive.

I didn't, but Darrell probably did.

11. A picture of something that you love.

Diet Dr. Pepper. I just drank the last one I have and it is the worst feeling ever.

12. A picture of you truly being yourself.

13. The most recent picture of you.
It's probably my drunk picture.

14. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

I miss summer :(

15. A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.

Against Me! in Chicago with Ben and Darrell.

</ This night in general. 16. A picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more happy that it is. <a href="http://s26.photobucket.com/albums/c107/viper_pit/?action=view&current=n1299990892_30137239_9615.jpg" target="_blank">

Freshman year was awful.

17. A picture with your oldest friends.

18. A picture with your newest friend.

It's not with him, but I love him.

19. A picture of you when you were anything but happy... even if you were smiling and did your best to hide it.

This was in Miami, and most of the trip I just wanted to be back in the midwest.

20. A picture of you that you had no idea was being taken.

21. A picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.

I'm not in it because I took it, but when this picture was taken I was definitely a different person.

22. A picture of you in a swimsuit - whether you love it or loathe it.

23. A picture of yourself that you like.

24. A picture of yourself that you hate.

Freshman year warped tour, obviously I looked gross because I paint splattered my face.

25. A picture of you with someone you love.

26. A picture of how you'd like the world to see you.

Huggin' trees in colorful tights.

27. A picture that describes how you'd like to spend every day.

Completely content in the summertime.

28. A picture of a time when everything was changing.

29. A picture that makes your heart hurt.

My best friends are friends anymore so I'm stuck in the middle : /.

30. A picture that makes your heart smile.

I started laughing and Holly kicked me while I was down.

Holly's mom.

When Will made me a cake for my 16th birthday I think.

31. A picture of one of the best nights of your life. (or day)

2 summers ago?

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 22:56:19 GMT

So I'm going without a computer for awhile cause my charger for my laptop is broken once again, so the only time I can update is when I'm on my brother's Macbook. Anyway, last night I went to a Rockaholics themed party which I didn't know was themed. But it had bottomless jungle juice and also a lot of gay guys, which is how I wish everyday of my life was. There was a beer pong room, a stripper pole room (which I did not use but I watched a drag queen use) and a dance floor where they only played Lady Gaga and Jeffree Star. And I ended up seeing a lot of the gay guys from Kirkwood, and for some reason most of the people there knew me already despite the fact that I never met them before this. They kept calling me "The Queen Hag of Kirkwood" which I guess is a good thing.

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 18:25:52 GMT

I really don't like posting without pictures, and for the past week and a half my d40 has been in some strange Nikon factory in California having it's autofocus worked on, so I have no way to even take pictures. But on MLK weekend Corinne, her friend Drew, and I decided to go to Wet Willie's, which for you non-St. Louis people is an abandoned water slide, and take pictures for 2 hours and then almost get caught by the cops. On a side note, I hate being the oldest out of all my friends, because if they get caught trespassing by the police it's no big cause they're 17, but if I get caught I go to jail.

Because of my unfortunate camera situation, I had to take all of these pictures with Corinne's Canon, except the pictures I'm in obviously.

DDR and Corinne's moccasins.

Cracked pipe (not to be confused with a crack pipe)

Drew then later decided to slide down this rusty, piece of shit pole and ripped a hole in his pants. Boys are so god damn stupid.

Also, last night was so completely horrible but forced me to have a much needed epiphany. So Allison made me hang out at her lame friend's house and she had these guys over that were white trash bros. At first I didn't care because I thought, "It doesn't matter if they make me want to jump out a window, I'll just get so drunk I don't care." So I'm all excited for it, and then I go downstairs to see Allison and one of the guys sitting down there next to an empty handle of Popov. MY bottle of Popov which was supposed to be emptied by ME. But then it gets worse.
This girl's house was so fucking hot, so I decided to take my socks off, exposing my tattoos to these retards. They all freaked the fuck out and were all "I can't wait till I'm old enough so I can get a cross on my shoulder and a skull on my wrist and a sublime sun on my ass" or whatever they said. So then I'm all "Wait, how old are you if you're not old enough to get a tattoo?" And they were all 16. In all my 18 years, I have never felt like an old lady. But there it was.
Anyway, since Allison and these guys were drunk off my alcohol, they decide it would be a fun idea to play hide and seek, and at the time it seemed like a better idea then having this guy hit on me, so I agreed. Well I go to hide in the shower and this guy followed me in, and this shower is definitely made for one person. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my entire life, but this guy I guess can't take a hint and decides to make it more horrible by saying, "When I played hide and seek when I was little it was never as hot as this" which I replied with "Well this is the first time I've played hide and seek with someone who I can get arrested for being in the shower with." I guess he still didn't get the hint, because then he starts asking me all these questions. Then he's all "Do you like ska?" And I'm thinking "that is the most random question I've ever heard" until I realized I was wearing Darrell's class ring that says "SKA!" on the side. So I'm all "Oh yeah, this is my BOYFRIENDS ring." I thought this would definitely be a hint, but I guess not.
Eventually I got so fed up that I lied and said I had to go pee so I had to leave the shower. This was at like 1 am. For the next few hours, this guy proceeded to tell me I was cute every 5 minutes and when he wasn't doing that he was quoting Family Guy or singing some ska song in an attempt to impress me. Luckily every time he sang a ska song I would just be like "Oh DARRELL my BOYFRIEND likes that song" which honestly I have no idea if Darrell did. But it was now 4 am and I was afraid to go to sleep in case I woke up to him trying to rape me. I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and sleeping on the shower floor with a towel as a blanket.
Anyway, onto the epiphany(s).
1) Lately I've been feeling like I should be single and have fun my senior year, but every time I would think that I would be like "Oh wait, no guy is as perfect for me as Darrell" but I would still think that for like a second a day. Well, never again. This night made me realize that being single would be the worst decision of my entire life, because Darrell is the only non-creepy totally awesome bearded guy left in the world, and I want nothing to do with any other straight guy, especially those in St. Louis because they are mostly bros are pretentious indie kids, or Columbia, MO because they are all bros and pretentious indie kids.
2) Not really an epiphany. But more of a question. Wtf do straight edge people do on the weekends when they're stuck with annoying people?

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 03:16:35 GMT

First of all, here's pictures of my boyfriend and his secret (actually, not so secret) gay lover, who is our bff Ben. I think they are cuter together than we are.

And this is what I got for Christmas, and I could not be happier. Show me what you got!

Holly and Emily got me this nifty jewelry hanger thing because they heard me say I wanted one like a year ago.

Hahah, my grandma got me this because I'm going to Mizzou next year. It's from Cracker Barrel (where she works) and that makes it even cuter of her.

My wonderful boyfriend got me these Betsey Johnson earrings. He is so cute for knowing exactly what clothes and accessories I like.

I needed a coat so bad, and I got the one of my dreams.

$12 H&M shoes that I wear with absolutely everything.

BCBG Cardigan that is my new favorite thing to wear.

And all of these pictures were taken with my Nikon d40 which was by far my favorite gift, even though I had to send it back for a week cause the auto focus doesn't work.

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 19:41:03 GMT

So everyone is doing NYE updates, but I unfortunately don't have any pictures. However, it was the best new years to date, and it was also straight edge. But I had never been to a show at Lemp Arts Center, and its basically one of those downtown mansions, that aren't really mansions but basically just kind of big old houses, and the bands played in the living room, where there is also like 8 couches. It's also down the street from the Lemp Mansion which is ~*haunteddddd*~ and also awesome. When people not from St. Louis ask me where to go, I don't say the arch, I say Lemp Mansion (PS, the arch kind of sucks). ANYWAY, the show was awesome because there weren't people who came just to be seen, they were there to enjoy the music. More than half of the bands resembled Minus the Bear, which was definitely fine by me, and the guy from Native hugged me. So all in all, it was a great way to start 2009, which is going to be the best year ever.

PS to everyone. Do not under any circumstances take pictures at a show with a Holga or a Diana, with a strap you knitted yourself. You look like a douche bag.

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 18:18:35 GMT

Happy New Years darlings!
So instead of getting drunk on New Years like most of my peers, I'm going to the best god damn concert ever with Darrell and hopefully Ben and his gf, which also includes a WAFFLE BAR and sparkling apple cider. Which are my two favorite things actually.
In other news, my sister's friends were talking (she's a freshman in high school) and one of them said for their 16th birthday their mom is letting them get a tattoo. Wtf? I think they made the legal age to get a tattoo for a reason. If I would have been able to get a tattoo at 16, or even 17, I would have some dumb shit permanently in my skin. Like probably band related. And by band I mean Bright Eyes, and it would probably be Conor Oberst's face and he would probably be crying and drunk. It might have also been on my ass.
ATTN: DUMB YOUNG PEOPLE. DO NOT GET TATTOOS OF ANGEL WINGS ON YOUR LOWER BACK OR THE FACE OF SOMEONE FROM A BAND. CHANCES ARE, YOU WON'T LIKE THEM IN 10 YEARS. SCRATCH THAT. YOU DEFINITELY WON'T.
And that is coming from a girl who is getting an Against Me! tattoo of sorts. But not really. Like, I love AM!, but never in a million years would I get Tom Gabel's face permanently on my body, even though he's a total badass and his big ears are hot. I'm getting the tattoo because of the experience, not because I think the band is super cool. And I would never get a tattoo just for the sake of getting one.
Wait until you're 18 kids, I promise it's worth it.

This is to document how fucking crazy Allison is.

Our relationship in a nutshell.

It was a no pants party with 3 people. Don't judge me.

That's the guy from Steel Train. He was kind of in love with me and it was kind of awesome.

God damn it I miss having a car.

I also miss those sunglasses.

That's my brother. Hottness obviously runs in our family.

Hahaha, Allison.

I went to the Mizzou game, and we won. Their mascot is a tiger so... rawr.

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 17:43:04 GMT

So in the past 24 hours my life has been completely turned upside down. And not in a "my boyfriend broke up with me and I didn't get what I want for Christmas so i'm saddd" kind of way. In a "My step-dad completely flipped shit and hit my brother and lunged at me and my mom so now we're staying at a hotel and potentially with my dad. And there's also a warrant out for my brother's arrest because of someone elses crazy parents" way.
So I'll just start from the beginning and make that part short. I went to a party with Darrell, Allison, Stephen, Marco (Stephen's new boy) and Jessica (Stephen's friend from work). Everyone ended up getting kicked out after an hour and it was lame, and Darrell and I got in a fight kind of and it seems really stupid now. Anyway, so I went to the Taco Bell parking lot with everyone plus people from the party, and I don't even like Taco Bell. But it was there I saw a person who got suspended from my school pee in front of Taco Bell and then smoke weed in his car with 3 other people. There is a police station 2 blocks from Taco Bell. They are dumb.
So anyway, then we were going to go to a different party but decided to go to Steak n Shake first, but my mom calls me and goes into psycho mode. She called me at 2 AM while I was in Steak n Shake and literally our conversation was the same thing over and over again for an hour about how I needed to get home even though my curfew is definitely not 2 AM. I felt like hitting myself in the head with a frying pan. So I was getting really frustrated and I could hear Kevin (my crazy fucking step dad) yelling at me in the background and I was only getting more pissed off. So it was then I knew that my mom was in psycho mode and up at 2 AM because Kevin woke her up because he didn't like us out at 2 AM.
I've pretty much hated him since I was 7 because he's a fat redneck with no hair that went 8 months without a job this year and just sat at home and drank beer. He's also always mean to my brother and talks about my dad, which only makes me hate him more. My dad works 2 jobs just so he can keep us and is the most awesome person I've ever encountered. And I'm also really protective of my brother. So anyway, after an hour of arguing with my mom, Stephen, Jessica, and I decide to go back to my house to avoid further arguments.
As soon as I walk up to my porch my mom is standing there looking pissed off, and I did not feel like arguing and repeating myself anymore, so I tried to walk past her and open the front door, and when I tried to I saw Kevin holding the door shut. I don't even know why he was doing this, because I didn't even do anything bad. I wasn't drunk at all, I didn't get caught with drugs, and they didn't have to pick me up from jail. He was mad because I was home an hour before my curfew and I argued with my mom about it. So eventually I pushed my way inside and just ran up to my room so I didn't have to deal with it. And just as I was talking to Darrell about everything, I hear Kevin and Stephen yelling at each other and then I hear my mom screaming at the top of her lungs "Don't ever touch him again" and then I hear Kevin yelling "I'll touch whoever I want cause he's a stupid son of a bitch" or something like that. So my brother senses kicked in and I ran to the balcony and said "If you ever touch my brother again I will call my dad and I will call the cops." And he screamed at me "Call your fucking bum dad" and so that completely set me off and I yelled "go to hell you mother fucking drunk" and I guess that set him off. Because he pushed my mom out of the way and came at me. So then my mom yelled at us to pack up our stuff cause we're going to a hotel.
When people ask "If your house was on fire what would you grab?" I always don't know what to say, so of course I was bad in this situation. I didn't grab a tooth brush, contacts, or even pajamas. I got my nikon d40, a cardigan, my laptop, and an empty journal my dad got me for some reason. I was so hysterical that I kind of blacked out and don't remember what I was saying, but I remember saying I wanted my dad and he was at work. So I called him and told him what was happening because I was scared Kevin would come for him or something. Luckily my dad works at a bar and has bartender friends so he didn't have to worry because most of them would kill of my dad/his kids.
But then Jessica's parents flipped because she wasn't answering her phone and she was supposed to be at her friend Shelby's house. Well this Shelby girl said Jessica wasn't there and was with Stephen. So Jessica's parents decide that this means that Stephen abducted her so she called the police. So when my mom drove Jessica home the police pulled her over and followed her to Jessica's parents. So if Stephen was 18 he would have gone to jail, and of course that happens the day all this happens.
So basically, now I'm in a hotel and then we're all staying at my dads, and my mom doesn't know if she's staying with Kevin or where we will live if she leaves him, because we won't be able to afford our house. I feel like my life is slowly becoming a Lifetime movie, but hopefully I can at least write a good book about this one day.

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 23:01:16 GMT

So I finally took a picture of my new hair, but I'm making a sad face because I took the picture to send it to my boyfriend, and I'm sad because he's in Texas seeing his mom. Anyway, on with the hair!

No, it's not shorter on one side, but I kind of wish it was. Then maybe I wouldn't look so much like Katie Holmes-Cruise.

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 07:23:25 GMT

So I just got back from this kind of sketch party and I'm now in my room still sort of drunk (I was never really fucked up to begin with), and I decided that instead of watching Are You Afraid of the Dark episodes on youtube and eat cheetos I should update this with my first drunk entry!
My mom just got me a new mattress cover thing and it's memory foam and it feels like I'm on a god damn cloud. Falling asleep drunk is awesome anyway because my head always feels so heavy and laying down feels like the best thing ever. But this is taking it to a whole new level.
Also, I just got most of my hair cut off, and I kind of fucking love it. But literally 10 minutes after I got it cut Allison asked me to go to this party where I was going to be designated driver, but then Allison decided she didn't want to drink. So awesome. Anyway, I met this girl at a party I went to last night and she invited us to this party at her bf's house in the city. When we got there about 7 black guys hit on me and I think one was named Eunice, which I thought was a old lady name? Anyway, Corinne and I went into the bathroom together and I come out and this guy (Eunice) is standing outside and asked me for a hug. I did it because I didn't want him to follow me around, and it was totally weird. Then the host (my new friend's bf) started hitting on me. As in asked for my number, said he was going to add me on facebook (Luckily I said my name was Sam Berridge, which is Darrell's last name hahah)and tried to cuddle with me outside. This is all after I said I had a boyfriend who I was in love with. By the way, stuff like this never happens to me. I never get hit on by like a jillion guys in real life, always on stlpunk or one occasional guy in real life who is creepy as balls. This leads me to believe that my new haircut has magical powers that draw creepy men to me. Awesome.
Tell me your weirdest party storiessss!

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:06:04 GMT

Songs that will remind me of 2008
1. Basically all of Broadway Calls and Living With Lions albums.
Darrell was completely obsessed all summer, and when we saw Broadway Calls at Warped Tour Darrell was like a little girl at a Hanna Montana concert. I think if Darrell ever saw Living With Lions live he would faint and die. Anyway, they ended up being pretty much my summer anthems.

2. Borne on the FM Waves - Against Me!
Driving to Chicago to see Against Me! with Ben and Darrell was probably the best experience of my life, and when AM! played this song I pretty much knew I was going to remember this experience until I was an old lady.

3. Love Story - Taylor Swift
My brother Stephen is completely obsessed with it and insists on playing it constantly, but always getting the words wrong.

4. Single Ladies - Beyonce
I was in my school's dance recital and there was a group who danced to this. The main girl is someone I used to be friends with and she has a huge god damn ass. She was wearing these metallic gold leggings that made her ass look like the sun and made her camel toe shiny. So I will forever have that horrible image in my memory.

5. Leavin' - Jesse McCartney
There are few things I hate more than this song, but my best friend is completely obsessed with it. So every time it comes on she screams in excitement and I scream in agony.

6. Lollipop Remix - Lil' Wayne
I know all the words and I sing it often. That's pretty much it.

7. All of Highly Refined Pirates - Minus the Bear
I listened to this album so god damn much. And at the beginning of the year Darrell and I drove to Columbia, MO to see them and it was completely magical.

8. Belt - Say Anything
I've been kind of obsessed with Say Anything for a long time, and when they played this at Warped Tour it was almost life changing, except Holly's annoying exboyfriend was being... annoying.

9. January 1979 - mewithoutYou
Darrell surprised me (as in blindfolded me with a scarf and took me to Off Broadway where I didn't know who was playing until we got inside) and took me to mewithoutYou with Maps and Atlases and it was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm pretty much the luckiest girl alive.

10. Dynamo whatever the hell it's called - Jason Mraz
Jason Mraz is my ultimate guilty pleasure and his concert was the biggest dance party ever. This song has dance moves, so it fits.

11. Search Party - So Many Dynamos
Darrell drove me 2 hours away to Elephant Rocks for the day and I think I'll always remember it as one of the best days ever. We drove through all these tiny towns, which I love, and by an abandoned trailer park, gas station, and about 5 abandoned buses. And I love creepy small town shit like that. I can't wait till I get my Nikon so I can go back and take pictures. Also, we listened to So Many Dynamos the whole way down there. Then Thrice on the way back and then Say Anything where Darrell did his Max Bemis impression which even thinking about is making me laugh.

Tell me yours!

In other good news, I finished my only real final today and I only have one semester left of high school! I'm going to miss my journalism teacher so god damn much and I know I'm going to cry really hard, but I'm looking past that. Tomorrow I get to spend 4 straight hours in the sewing room. Live is good.

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 01:45:21 GMT

So I feel like a total idiot/wuss, but I just cried during the daily show. Mike Huckabee was the guest, and he is definitely in my Top 10 List of "If I saw this person in real life I would bitch slap the shit out of them." Closely followed by Tom Cruise. Anyway, they were talking about gay marriage, which is a hot topic lately not just because of Prop 8, but because my brother is gay.
Normally I don't even like to talk about stuff like that (abortion, religion, politics, etc.) because I get really emotional about it and start like shaking and I can't even get out what I need to say. And my face gets bright red, so that's cute. But gay marriage is definitely the top of that list because when people who are against it talk about it they are basically saying my brother, who is one of the greatest people I've ever met, does not deserve the same rights just because he The only thing that pisses me off more than that is when people say gay people shouldn't adopt. Well most of those people are also pro-life, which makes absolutely no sense. Only 10% of kids get adopted as is, so where are all these kids in the orphanages supposed to go? I think I would rather have two dads or two moms who love me rather than a mom and dad who hate each other or were crack heads. Anyway, I'm getting upset over it so I'll just talk about why I started crying during the daily show.
Basically, Huckabee was saying that marriage is sacred and all that and Jon Stewart completely defended gay people. I always get really touched when straight guys defend gay people because most straight guys are all "dude I'm not a fag, dude." And I just think it's brave and awesome and totally the way to my heart. So I started crying because Jon Stewart said everything I think about gay marriage only he was completely calm and collected.
Moral of this story: Besides obvious people like Darrell and Emile Hirsch, I really want Jon Stewart to be my husband.

Sun, 14 Dec 2008 20:55:54 GMT

Let me start this by saying that you have not lived until you sing old Against Me! drunk with one of your best friends in a crappy tiny concert venue.
Last night was supposed to be a super shitty concert for a band that goes to my school, but it actually ended up being kind of amazing. Well, the band itself wasn't good, but at one point they had the bassist do an acoustic cover of "How Low" by Against Me! and Corinne and I were probably singing just as loud as him.
Also, St. Louis is supposed to get demolished by ice tonight, but right now the weather is completely ideal and I love it. I'm really hoping school doesn't get canceled tomorrow, because finals week is the worst god damn time for a snow day.
I'm hoping for Netflix really soon because Blockbuster is not being good to me at all, and I have all these movies I want to see. So tell me movies to see! I like documentaries, movies about serial killers, and movies about drugs. Or a combination of all of those. I also like movies that haunt you for days afterward.

l'avventura
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0053619/

United States of Leland
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0301976/

Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0238924/

The Fall
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460791/

Harlod and Maude (Am I the only person in the world who hasn't seen this?)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067185/

Funny Games
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0808279/

Salo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sal%C3%B2_o_le_120_giornate_di_Sodoma

The Ballad of Jack and Rose
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0357110/

The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097108/

Dead Man's Shoes
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0419677/

Mysterious Skin
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0370986/

An American Crime
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0802948/

Battleship Potemkin
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Battleship_Potemkin

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 06:11:12 GMT

I said I was going to update everyday, but who really saw that happening? But at least I'm trying!
First of all, if there are typos I'm sorry in advance. My contacts are all sorts of fucked up because I keep leaving my contact solution and glasses at my dad's house so I just sleep in my contacts. It's probably not good and my eyes will probably fall out. So wish me luck there.
In better news, I just made this red pencil skirt with this cheetah hem in like 30 minutes. Mostly because the hem was from old cheetah pj's and I'm just awesome. I sew pretty much everyday now and I absolutely love it. I can't wait to be a tight old lady like my grandma with my own sewing room and random sculptures of sewing machines all over my house. She also has cow stuff all over her house. We are so the same person and I will never be able to describe how much I love that lady and her decor.
Oh my god, speaking of sewing MY UNCLE IS GETTING ME A SURGER FOR CHRISTMAS. In my little Christmas post I said I wanted one but basically only in my dreams, but he happened to buy one 7 years ago and he only used it once. My uncle and two of my cousins on my dad's side are crazy Japanotards and speak in Japanese, wear kimonos and watch pokemon or whatever they watch but my family is definitely not Japanese, or even Asian in the slightest. Anyway, they also do those weird convention things where you dress up as some weird character and there's a costume contest, hence the surger. They also have bookshelves full of a jillion yards of fabic, which I will soon be taking.
I'm sure not a lot of people on here make entries about sewing, but I honestly do nothing else interesting lately except hang out with my boyfriend and laugh more than anyone I know. I also eat a lot, and that's probably why I've been gaining weight like crazy. Even though my life sounds super retarded, I definitely have never been happier. Everyday I'm closer to graduating and then going to another school full of bros and slutty girls I'll hate, and probably making friends with people who also hate everyone.
Since I didn't post pictures last time and I don't have any new pictures since I just got a new computer, here's pictures of random shit aka pictures of me/art I like and websites that are chillin'.

I don't need a reason to include this picture, I just like it.

http://www.chezlin.com/2008/11/cassette-tape-coin-purse/

I also really like crafting because I'm an old lady, and I want to do this so bad.

http://www.prettycoolthings.com/2008/11/15/urban-camouflage-art/

If I saw things like this in real life I would shit a brick, but since I live in St. Louis it would probably be covered in graffiti in a day/hour.

Me playing guitar hero kind of a long time ago, just for kicks.

Darrell and his awesome photoshop skillz.

BABE ALERT me at 14.

Darrell and I in the early stages. He still makes that face at me all the time.

Me pretty much everyday.

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 04:20:32 GMT

So I've been without a computer for awhile because my laptop stopped charging and 2 days ago I finally got my new laptop in the mail. It's shitty and has absolutely no space, but this is just a filler till I get my mac for Journalism school.
Anyway, after going without a computer for over a month, I realized that I want to write in here everyday. Because I went to the National Journalism Convention (where my paper won best in the nation and I won best Feature/column writer in the nation!) and I went to a session on writing and my teacher said that writing in a journal, even if it's just lists, makes you a better writer. So because I'm extremely tired after a tiring weekend, I'll make a Christmas wish list.

In bold are things I'll actually get, probably with my own money, and the rest are shit I don't need but would be kind of awesome.

Refurbished Nikon D40
A stand for my non working typewriter that sits there to look pretty
A typewriter tattoo on my left shoulder
LA Ink/Jon and Kate Plus 8 Seasons. Basically anything on TLC that isn't the god damn Duggers and their god damn 5000 kids.
Really cute stationary with birds on it.
New bras. It seems like my boobs get bigger everyday, and I never thought that would be a problem.
Suddenly possess the ability to knit without actually learning how to.
A shit ton of fabric so I can sew clothes for like a week straight.
A surger so I can make legit clothes and not have to use the one at school. Too bad they're like 2000 dollars.
Roseanne to be back on Nick at Night instead of George Lopez and Family Matters. Home Improvement is chillin though.
A dream interpreter. My dreams are so lucid and fucked up and have been my whole life. As in, every time I tell someone about them they get really freaked out. I'd really like to know if this is a sign of me dying anytime soon.
A Polaroid camera that works and like 50 packages of Polaroid film.
The Diana camera from UO. It's cute and seafoam green.
No more newspaper drama. Sadly, most of the things on here are more likely than this.
The ability to play the keyboards without actually learning how to. I can play "My Heart Will Go On" with light up keys though.

If my computer wasn't being slow I would put pictures, but that will be for tomorrow's entry.

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 16:42:15 GMT

Oh my god. I do not even know where to begin. My trip to Chicago was completely amazing in every single way, even though it took 6 hours to get down there and 5 hours back and I only actually spent 3 hours in Chicago.
Driving down there was interesting mostly due to Ben's insanity. Darrell and Ben were punching each other every time they saw an out of state license plate, and Darrell started making up rules which led to Ben saying "I don't have time for you and your jive ass turkey rules!" Which made me laugh even typing it just now.
About 3 hours into the trip Ben made us stop in Dwight Illinois so he could do gross things in a gas station bathroom. The gas station had a 50's diner attached to it, which is cute as hell. So Darrell and I were standing outside in the parking lot taking pictures of the Dwight water tower and we saw a sign that said "Polar Pop for 69 cents" and I said "What is a polar pop and who would ever buy that?" and as soon as I said that Ben walked out of the gas station with one in his hand.
Then the potentially scariest moment of my life happened. Darrell was trying to start the car and the key wouldn't turn. So we were all pretty much freaking out internally but not saying anything, mostly because crying in a gas station parking lot in Dwight Illinois in a broken car is just not cute. But eventually Ben read in the manual how to fix it and it literally said "Jiggle the key and steering wheel at the same time."
After being stuck in Chicago rush hour for about an hour we finally got to the venue 30 minutes before the concert started. Surprisingly, there was almost no one there and we ended up being basically second row. The first band was completely horrible and is not even worth talking about, but Ted Leo was amazing even if Darrell and I were the only people in the crowd who thought so. But I cannot even put into words how amazing Against Me! was. Between the two metalheads I was crammed between I had a perfect window to gaze at Tom Gabel and I get goosebumps just thinking about it. I was expecting to get pushed around so much that I wouldn't even get to enjoy Against Me! because their fan base is pretty much angry males. But I was so smashed that I couldn't even move enough to get pushed around so it was perfect. I thought Against Me! was just an amazing live band until they started playing Borne on the FM Waves and then my life was pretty much changed. Never in my life did I think of getting a tattoo relating to a band until that moment, and while that song was playing I wanted to run out and get the Against Me! tiger tattooed on my body right then. I thought I was going to talk myself out of it, but I still want it. The last thing I want to do is make a rash decision concerning something that's on me for life though, so I'm just going to wait until December and if I still want it then, it will be a Christmas present to myself.
The drive home was surprisingly not as bad as I expected, even though we got to Darrell's house at 3:30 and I had to wake up at 7:30 to drive Ben home. However, the conversations on the way home were too disgusting for me to ever repeat to another human.
All in all, it was the best 24 hours of my entire life and I don't think anything else will ever come close. I also realized that this is mostly due to hanging out with boys all day and then going to an almost entirely male concert. Besides realizing how much I love Against Me!, the most important thing I learned from this trip was that I don't like almost every female I know in real life except Allison and maybe some girls on the newspaper. I also realized I'm perfectly fine with that.

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:44:09 GMT

So today I had a much needed mental breakdown. Everything was pretty much piling up around me and I was just spreading myself too thin, the past 2 weeks especially.
My sewing class was sucking away my will to live because I managed to almost severely hurt myself 5 times in the past 2 weeks. Along with that was the newspaper, which was pretty much killing me mentally. I'm one of the only people on staff who designs a page/writes a story (sometimes 2)/edits, so I really had no one to relate to when I got super stressed. Along with that, a writer who is on my staff (aka, I'm her editor) has been giving me such attitude. If it was in any other situation, I could see myself completely flipping out at her and telling her to give me some fucking respect, but my advisor puts a lot of trust in me to not do that. So that's been one of the hardest challanges I've encountered so far this year. Because honestly, if someone is flat out disrespecting me, the only way I know how to deal with it is going off on them. So we'll see how it turns out when I'm in the journalism building for 7 hours at a time and she says something to me. It probably won't be good.
Outside of school, there's been some boyfriend shit that I don't even want to talk about to anyone, let alone the entire livejournal community. But the drama is pretty much over now, and I'm hoping for the best. I just tend to focus on small completely retarded things instead of thinking about the big picture. And the big picture is that he makes me happier than pretty much anyone, and I cannot see myself dating anyone else, and I really don't want to.
So all of that was happening this week, along with pretty much single handedly trying to plan out the trip to Chicago to see Against Me!/Ted Leo. It got so bad today that I pretty much cried the entire way home and I'm surprised I didn't crash. But my friend Ben was supposed to go with us and pretty much cancelled last minute, so I was stressed about losing a person to split gas with. Along with that, I was nervous I would have to use my own car and not my brothers. My car is a piece of shit and tends to break down and really horrible times, and my brother's car has a god damn camera in it that records you if you're breaking any traffic laws and then sends it to my parents. So I was in a pretty lose/lose situation, but I'm hoping that as long as I don't speed or anything I'll be fine, because my car is not even an option.
Onto the most important part of this entry: tomorrow I drive out to Chicago with Darrell and possibly/hopefully his friend to see Against Me! and Ted Leo and the Pharmacists and I could not be more excited about it. If nothing else, I'm bound to get a good story/pictures out of it. And hopefully the worst is over and I don't die in the process.

Part 2

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 02:23:49 GMT

I realized I have been posting too many text only entries, so here's some pictures from when Holly, Chem and I took the Metro to the beautiful downtown St. Louis and acted like tourists in our own city.

We took the Metro down to Union Station, which is like a big historic mall, and then got bored so we took it down to the arch and it was amazing. Downtown St. Louis is so beautiful and magical and I'm going to miss it so much when I move to Columbia. All the streets are cobble stone and there are horse drawn carriage rides and you can go sit right next to the river. I love it here so much.

We walked next to this huge wall that was completely insane.

Holly's not really that douchey, but these girls next to us were taking a picture next to the arch while doing a peace sign. Hilarity ensued.

The fanta girls?

There was a tiny city thing and Holly and Chem wanted to be godzilla or something?

I've lived in St. Louis all of my life and was in the city constantly when I was younger and I drive past it everyday, yet I've only been in the arch once.

The cobblestone goes right into the river and is probably my favorite part of downtown.

My favorite picture of Holly ever for some reason.

The Metro station is also pretty amazing looking.

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 01:40:01 GMT

This is the first and last I'm going to say on this subject.
I cannot wait to get out of high school. At first, I was sad because I would miss the newspaper and all that. But now that doesn't even matter anymore. I thought since we're seniors that people would be mature and grown up by now, but apparently people still have nothing better to do than talk shit.
The old Sam would have gone up to these said shit talkers and gave them a piece of my mind, but honestly it's not even worth my time or energy. They're that far below me. This girl, we'll call her E, and I used to be best friends until she decided to give my exboyfriend a hand job while we were still dating. Cool girl, huh? And then she sent me a myspace message (mature!) telling me everything that's wrong with me. So obviously I stopped being friends with her. Then she sends me an apology letter, which said she had no right to say what she said, and that her psychiatrist told her to write this. Um? First of all, I wasn't going to accept the apology because she wasn't even woman enough to say it to my face, and she was only doing it because she had to. Anyway, for whatever reason she has a grudge against ME even though the only thing I did was not accept her half hearted apology. She also used to have a weave that looked like a lion's mane, has an eye brow piercing (what is this? 1995?) and her nose pierced when her nose is the size of Adrien Brody's. Babe alerttt.
The other girl isn't even worth talking about, except that she thinks she's amazing at art and she's not, and she's completely fake. I guess we were friends and then I find out she was talking shit about me with E. Ain't that a bitch.
I cannot even remember the last time I typed an entry about how much I hate a girl. Sophomore year?
Well some people may be crying at graduation, but I cannot wait to leave my old high school life behind. I can't trust anyone and I hate it, and I can't wait to start over with no enemies. I've made so many over the years for mostly retarded reasons, and mostly when I was like 16. I'm completely over it, but apparently other girls with no lives or hobbies like to dwell on it. Luckily, I have less than a year left.
This is going to be the longest year of my life.

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 16:57:49 GMT

This is mostly for Darrell, and also so I can complain about how busy I am all the time.

ACT Test Saturday Sep 27 2008 9:00AM - 1:00PM

ACT Class Sunday Sep 28 2008 2:00PM - 5:00PM

ACT Class Wednesday Oct 1 2008 6:00PM - 8:30PM

ACT Test Saturday Oct 4 2008 9:00AM - 1:00PM

ACT Class Sunday Oct 5 2008 2:00PM - 5:00PM

ACT Class Wednesday Oct 8 2008 6:00PM - 8:30PM

ACT Class Sunday Oct 12 2008 2:00PM - 5:00PM

ACT Class Wednesday Oct 15 2008 6:00PM - 8:30PM

ACT Test Saturday Oct 18 2008 9:00AM - 1:00PM

ACT Class Sunday Oct 19 2008 2:00PM - 5:00PM

ACT Class Wednesday Oct 22 2008 6:00PM - 8:30PM

I hate the god damn ACT.

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 02:10:06 GMT

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Gellhorn